


New Inheritors of Earth (You Overestimate Your Worth)

by electricchicken



Series: The Radio Abel Roadshow [4]
Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: F/M, M/M, mission tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 05:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricchicken/pseuds/electricchicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or: 10 short conversations about Demons and Darkness</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Inheritors of Earth (You Overestimate Your Worth)

They corner him in the recreation lounge after dinner. Eugene's been roped into helping Molly make Mr. Rabbit some sort of dream home/space ship and the last time Jack saw him he was at the bottom of a swarm of children and glitter glue. And maybe it's the apocalypse talking, but the whole domestic thing is really surreal.

So he's half-watching a Doctor Who Christmas special from the mid-1970s, when the couch cushions on either side of him sag, and he's suddenly boxed in by Sam and Dr. Myers, wearing looks so intense Jack is about to ask who died when—

"We need you to be Game Master," Sam says, in a voice that would be less out of place if he were advising Jack that he's been selected for some sort of suicide mission.

"Did the two of you just scale the back of the couch to avoid being seen?" Jack asks, blinking.

"I know it's a lot to ask," Maxine says. "But we can push the first session back a few days, and Sam and I will help you with the rules."

"Not that I'm not flattered, but wouldn't it make more sense to have someone whose actually played Demons and Destiny—"

"Darkness," Sam corrects, grave faced.

"Right, that. Shouldn't one of you two be leading the game?"

"We tried that. Sam and I ran an experimental model last night and someone," she glares across him, and Jack jerks back to get out of the way, "has an issue with difficultly levels."

"It's not my fault you fell down a well full of giant rats three minutes in," Sam says, offended. "You should have done a spot check for obstacles in the area before you decided to just head west."

"You said," Maxine is leaning over him now, still glaring, and Jack wonders if it might be possible to slide down the cushions onto the floor and crawl away unnoticed, "there was a clear path to the west."

"It was a hidden well!"

"Alright, alright, I'll do it," he breaks in, as Maxine's drawing breath for another attack. "And no hidden traps in the first five minutes, got it."

"Brilliant," Sam says, and drops a stack of hardcover books in his lap. Which, where did those even come from? How do you scale a couch with half a library in your hands? Radio operator's got hidden depths, apparently.

And that should be the end of that, except neither of them moves. Jack glances from one to the other, and they're staring at each other again with twin awkward, fake smiles.

"Anything else?" he asks.

"I need to talk to Jack. Privately," Maxine says to Sam.

"Well, I also need to talk to Jack," Sam says. "Also privately."

They keep beaming at each other with those creepy, plastic expressions until Jack groans and says, "rock, paper, scissors for it, for the love of God."

\---

Sam's rock beats Maxine's scissors.

"It's about Janine," he says, and Jack does a double take.

"Sam, don't you think she's a bit old for you?"

"What? No, man, not me. She's got a thing for Runner 7, and I thought if we invited both of them to the game you could maybe work that into the storyline? Set them up on some sort of romantic sidequest? Maybe work in a love demon or something?"

"I have no idea what anything you just said means," Jack says.

"All I'm saying is, give them a little push?" Sam says. "She keeps coming by the comms shack to flirt whenever he's on missions and I think he's into it but all they do when they're together is talk about copper wiring and which runners need to take more rest breaks. And every time she stops in she gets mad at me for eating at my desk."

"Fine, fine," he says, because there is clearly no other answer he's allowed to give here. "I'll give you the best Cupid impersonation I've got."

\---

Maxine shows up 30 seconds after Sam leaves the rec centre, and flops back down on the couch.

"It's Sam," she says.

"Uh, isn't he a bit young—"

"He and Runner 5," Maxine says quickly, looking a little horrified. "They're driving me crazy. They keep staring at each other meaningfully and touching each other's hands and I think Sam is actually pining now whenever she's on missions. We've got to do something."

"So you want me to give them a romantic sidequest in the game?" Jack sighs, letting his head fall back against the couch cushions. "Maybe use a love demon?"

"Well, I think a love demon might be a little much," says Maxine. "And the difficulty level would take weeks to work up to. Just, give them a push?"

"Brilliant," Jack says, then beats a hasty retreat to rescue Eugene from a half-dozen under 10s who should probably be getting ready for bed by now.

\---

"I need you to be really honest," Eugene says later that night, as they're lying together in their room in Abel's recently-renovated barracks — now with actual walls and everything. "How much glue is there stuck in my hair at the back?"

"Trust me when I say you'd rather I lied," Jack says, reaching out to touch the spiky, sticky bits of hair just under Eugene's ear, then pulling away with a grimace. "How is it fair that you've become a hero to the children of Abel, and I'm now some sort of medieval, dice-wielding yenta?"

"Look on the bright side," says Eugene, curling an arm around Jack's waist to palm the small of his back. "At least you didn't have to turn down any marriage proposals from six year olds today."

"Aw no, whose heart did you break, then?"

"Jennie — the one with the pigtails and the overalls," he grins. "Told her I was taken, but she said she didn't think you'd mind."

"I would too mind!"

"Which is what I told her. You're the jealous type."

"Do you think I could use that in-game?" Jack asks, after a moment's thought. "Have some elven girl propose marriage to one half of one of our erstwhile couples?"

"Can't be worse than the love demon," Eugene says with a snicker.

"Eventually you're going to stop finding that funny, right?"

" _Love demon_ ," Eugene says again, and buries his face in Jack's shoulder, laughing.

\---

_Session One_

The dice clatter against the table and Jack peers down at his notes.

"Right, so the party is attacked by three Blatwhipples. They're winged creatures that, uh, look a bit like monkeys. If monkeys had elephant trunks. And scales. Mudder the Short Statured, how do you wish to proceed?"

"Hit them with my pickaxe?" Evan offers.

"Grand," says Jack, collecting the dice and rattling them in his cupped palms. "Now, of course, as a gnome you're only two feet off the ground, so you'll need a 17 or higher to even touch a Blatwhipple. But let's see if lady luck is on your side."

Even sends his set of dice rolling and Jack does the same, glancing between them and wincing.

"Well, you miss the Blatwhippers—"

"Whipples," Sam and Maxine say in unison from opposite sides of the table.

"Those too. And one of the things stabs you with its trident. Did I mention they have tridents? Anyway, it nicks your carotid artery and you'll bleed out in six turns unless someone heals you. Bit of bad luck, that. Sara, your turn."

"I can heal—" Runner 8 starts, then yelps like she's been kicked and sends a glare in Sam's direction. God, these people are not subtle, Jack thinks. "Right, I'll cast Fire of Minimal Discomfort on the nearest one."

"Fifteen points damage," Jack announces. "Blatty-things don't take to kindly to fire, it appears. Now, Janine — or should I say Voltra of the Vale? What do you want to do?"

"Maybe you should heal Runner 7," Sam suggests, oh so innocently.

"He is bleeding out rather quickly," Jack adds. "Not a lot of blood in gnomes, I'd imagine."

"I cast Winds of Dizziness on the flying monkeys," Janine says, running a finger down the list of spells on her character sheet. "Should confuse them and make it easier for the rest of you to attack."

 _Do something_ , Sam mouths at him.

"You're sure you don't want to heal Evan? He is down to five turns before death," Jack says.

"Jody can do it. Her healing spells are higher level than mine and she's up next."

“She's got a point,” Evan says a little too cheerfully for someone who's fictionally bleeding to his fictional death. “Got to shore up those defences first.”

"Fine," another dice shake, and, "the Blatwhipples are confused and bumping into each other. Spell successful."

"I'll heal Evan," Jody offers, before Jack can even ask her what she'd like to do. "I think — will moderate healing be enough? I haven't levelled up higher than that yet."

"Should do the trick." Or it would, except when Jody lets the die go it comes up on a 1. "Or not. Runner Gnome continues to bleed to death. What fun!"

"I give Evan a potion of healing," Sam sighs. "Had a great spell lined up for the Blatwhipples too."

"Maybe Janine can help him drink it," Eugene suggests in an almost note-perfect imitation of Sam's innocent tone, and Jack elbows him under the table.

\---

_Session Three_

"The party walks southward, up a gently cresting hill but — whoops — as you come down the other side you see a giant crag at least 50 feet across stretching for miles. Just a bit further down the road there's a shack and what looks like an only slightly dodgy rope bridge spanning the gulf," Jack says, ignoring the meaningful glance Eugene is shooting his way.

"We walk towards the shack," Maxine says, to general agreement.

"As you get closer to the shack you see there's a chain strung up over the entrance to the bridge, with a little sign hanging off it that says 'bridge closed.' But it appears the general clattery-clanking of your unnecessarily large, over-armoured party has attracted the attention of the shack's occupant, because when you get within three paces of the door it opens and out steps a beautiful elven maiden."

Next to him, Eugene makes a choking sound, and tries to cover it up by taking an extra-long swig off a bottle of water. Serves him right for sneaking peeks at Jack's game notes.

"Anyway, she's very shapely and, um, nice looking. Flowing locks, things of that nature. She looks over your whole party, but seems drawn to Meldagor the Magnificent," he is never going to live this down. Never, ever, ever. Maxine owes him all the favours. Every last one of them.

"She, ah, sort of sashays over to him and tosses her hair and says something like, 'hello great and powerful magician, why have you come to my humble shack?'"

Eugene makes a noise that might be smothered laughter or some sort of sob. Sam — or, should he say Meldagor? Jack still hasn't decided after three sessions — puffs up a little bit, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Greetings fair maiden," he says, miming what might be an impressive bow, were he not sitting at a card table. "My fellow travellers and I seek passage across yon bridge — seriously, Eugene, are you dying over there?"

"Water went down the wrong pipe," Eugene gasps out. "Continue with the romancing."

"The elf girl bats her eyelashes at you," Jack says, miserably, "and reaches out to touch your arm. She explains she'd like to let you cross that bridge but the toll to do so is 2,000 gold pieces."

"Two thousand?" Sarah interjects, crossing her arms. "That's highway robbery!"

"Well," Jack says, in his best elf maid falsetto, "you think it's easy maintaining a bridge across a great bloody crevasse? Like to see you keep up with repairs."

"My ladies, please," says Sam. "Thing is — I mean, I regret to say we do not have such funds between us, since someone," he arches an eyebrow at Janine, "spent all our gold on a lump of sacred rock at a tavern two towns back."

"It's going to do something sooner or later, Mr. Yao," she mutters. "Just you wait."

"That is tragic indeed," Jack says. He thinks he's starting to get the hang of this elf-maiden voice. "Perhaps you could come back at another time. Or perhaps you could... _persuade_ me, oh great and powerful magician."

"P-persuade you," Sam manages, turning pink.

"Sam," Runner 5 says, sounding cross, "the elf wants you to seduce her."

Jack and Maxine exchange a significant look across the table. It's the first time Runner 5's said anything that wasn't related to one of her character turns. Not exactly chatty, that one.

"Oh, well," Sam sounds even more flustered, "I don't think that's exactly... I mean, maybe we should just talk about — or get dinner, and—"

"Sleep with the elf," Runner 5 says. "We're never going to get to the Cave of Really, Really Old Things to pick up that amulet of protection before curfew otherwise."

Oh no.

No, no, no.

That is definitely not in the script.

"Alright," Sam squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath, and Jack is fairly sure he can hear some sort of alarm blaring in the back of his head. "I take the elf maiden by the hand and draw her into the shack..."

\---

"I think you just cheated on me with Sam Yao," Eugene says, finally, after the rest of the players have filtered out to do last-minute errands before the night bell and Jack has smacked his head against the card table a good six or seven times.

"Had this whole lovely speech written," Jack sighs, face still pressed into his game notes. "Lots of nice bits about not messing with the bonds of true love, and how clearly Runner 5 and her bloody operator are meant to be together forever and ever and hold hands and make babies, and what do I get?"

"Fake sex with Meldagor the Magnificent," Eugene says, without a trace of sympathy. "With some really unexpected S and M overtones, I have to say."

"Can we agree to never, ever speak of this again?" Jack sighs. "Starting immediately?"

"Oh, I don't know," there's a sound of chair legs scraping against the wood floor, and then Eugene's breath hot against his cheek as their knees touch under the table. "Sam's pretty creative. Some of those middle bits — with the ice spell and the blindfold? — make me think Runner 5's going to be a very lucky girl if your plan ever works out."

"Never, ever, ever," Jack starts, then groans as Eugene nuzzles at the underside of his jaw. "Oh my God, you are getting off on this aren't you? My dice-based role play suffering makes you hot."

"Something like that," Eugene mutters, and flicks his tongue out against skin. And if Jack happens to tilt his head to give him better access, at least he's relatively sure he won't be judged for it.

\---

_Session Seven_

"Ooh, a 20, very good Voltra," Jack says, clapping his hands together. "That's a direct hit to the dragon's throat, and I do believe if I'm adding up the dice right — yes, you take its head clean off."

There's applause round the table and Janine actually grins at the rest of the players. Now that's a victory in itself, Jack thinks, though he supposes he'd be smiling too if he got first pick of the dragon's treasure and a full level's worth of experience points from the kill shot.

"Of course, your whole party is doused in dragon's blood when the head comes off. Hope someone's got some baby wipes in their bag of holding. And — oh, that's interesting. Janine, that artifact you've been carrying starts to rumble."

"I knew it," Sam whispers to Runner 5 none too quietly, putting a hand on her elbow for a good five seconds before jerking back and flushing. It's sad, at this point, how proud that makes Jack.

"When you take the lump of rock out of your bag," he stops. "Assuming you want to take the lump of rock—"

"Just get on with it, Jack," Janine snaps, leaning forward across the table to watch him.

"Right, good. You see the artifact's cracked down the middle and there's a strange red light shining out. The rock jumps from your hands, shattering in midair. There's a smell of brimstone, a bigger flash of red light and then you see a shadowy shape starting to take form."

"Oh no," Eugene mutters, and puts his head down on the table, cradling it in his arms.

"The love demon looks a bit like — er, did anyone else ever read the Sandman comics?"

Sam and Maxine raise their hands in unison. Everyone else looks blank.

"Right, least helpful configuration as usual. The creature is pale, with black eyes and black hair and it's not really clear whether it's male or female. In fact, every time you start to think you've got it pinned down, you blink and it's shifted slightly in its looks and shape. When it speaks, it's like you can hear its voice directly in your blood, humming along next to your pulse."

"Ooh, that's good," Sam whispers to Runner 5 again.

"'I am the demon Adzukial,' says, uh, the demon. Named Adzukial. 'Who has summoned me to this mortal plane?'"

Silence. Then, Jody hisses across the table, "Janine, I think that's you."

"That's me," Janine says.

"Ah yes," Jack says, trying to decide if a gender-ambiguous love demon would be better voiced in a falsetto or some sort of baritone. Maybe a bit of both? "I can sense great depth of feeling within you, Voltra of the Vale. And great hunger. I shall offer you my power, but in exchange, I ask for one thing."

"What kind of power?" Janine asks.

"Um," Jack flips through the Demons and Darkness handbook, "like, plus 10 to damages and magic, I think, plus some good items and limited invulnerability... oh, and minions."

"Go on, then."

"In exchange for great power, I shall bind the party member you love most to me and feed on their soul for as long as our pact is forged," Jack intones, trying to ignore the way Eugene is shaking with silent laughter. Everyone else in the party must have gotten used to his reactions by now, because they don't seem to notice him at all.

"When you say 'feed on their soul,'" Janine says thoughtfully, "what are we looking at? Fewer life points?"

"Something like that," Jack had really not expected this level of technical questioning. Which is stupid, given Janine would technically question a ruddy light bulb if it would answer her. "Oh, and inexorable anguish, according to the rule book. And only one turn per three rounds in combat."

"That doesn't sound so bad, does it?" Janine says.

"How come only Janine gets to trade her most beloved companion for plus 10 damage?" Runner 5 says. "I'm pretty sure that was the party's gold she spent on that rock."

"You have got to be kidding me," Jack says.

"Could we go half and half?" Runner 5 muses. "Maybe one beloved party member loses life points, and the other takes a hit on the turns, and plus five damage and magic for each of us?"

"Back off," Janine says. "Voltra's the one with great depth of feeling."

"Runner 5 has plenty of feeling," Sam snaps.

"Looks like she's got a feeling to steal my demon pact—"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"If you don't want to split, I'll ask the demon for my own pact."

"What is wrong with all of you?" he doesn't mean to shout. Or slap his palms against the table so hard it rattles. Or tip his chair back and send it skittering across the room. But now Jack's standing here, and the rest of the players are looking at him in astonishment (even Eugene's put his head back up) and he's got nothing to sit down on.

"How many hints does a person have to drop before—" he might be flailing. It certainly feels like flailing, but Jack also thinks there's a chance this is some sort of out of body experience. "My god, Janine, I know for a fact you've been having Runner 7 over for tea and debriefings at least twice a week. That should already be a euphemism for something else _without my help_.

"And you," he jabs a hand in Runner 5's direction, "I'm not sure if there's something in the water at Mullins Base that makes you impervious to flirting, but your poor comms operator's been mad about you since you turned out not to be dead in a helicopter crash. Also you've spent the last three sessions with yours hands barely half an inch apart on the table top. Just. Hold. Hands. Already."

"Jack, sit down. You're turning purple," says Sara, voice going sharp and military in a way that would probably be more effective if he could see straight right now.

"No, y'know what? I have had it with this bloody campaign of matchmaking. Sam? Maxine? Next time you two want to meddle in other people's lives leave me out of it."

"That's what you wanted to talk to him about?" Maxine says.

"For Janine," Sam protests. "Not for me. That must have been — wait. That was you?"

"I'm going now," Jack announces, spinning on his heel and walking in what he hopes is the direction of the door, still glaring over his shoulder. "Just in case we care."

It turns out the door, is a couple feet to the right of the direction he heads off in, but at least he's got an arm out to catch himself before he can walk directly into the rec room wall.

\---

He's got a pillow over his face when the door to their room opens, but there aren't many people who walk with the same combination of clattering and shuffling Eugene manages.

"I hate everyone," Jack says into the pillow, by way of greeting.

"Of course you do," Eugene says, and for once it doesn't sound like he's trying not to laugh. There's another series of clattering noises, then the cot rattles as he sits down and pulls the pillow off Jack's face. "And since we live in such a large metropolitan area I'm sure you'll never see any of them again, and certainly not at breakfast tomorrow morning."

Jack groans, and tries to grab the pillow back. Which might work, if Eugene hadn't tossed it to the other end of the bed. Sitting up isn't worth the returns.

"I don't understand why romance is so hard for other people," he sighs instead, throwing an arm over his eyes. God, but D and D is making him melodramatic. "We weren't this complicated."

"Yes, because two months of flirting followed by a near death experience is your ideal romantic comedy sort of situation," Eugene says. "Are we remembering the same relationship here?"

"Yeah, but, it was never like them. None of that secret pining, will-they-or-won't they, what if I'm not good enough nonsense. Pretty sure I knew I was going to sleep with you before I knew your name."

"That soon?"

"Well, I had a minute of doubt during the introductions — do I really want to have sex with someone named _Eugene_? Sounds like someone's great uncle. Lucky for you, I've always had a bit of a fondness for tall people with funny accents."

"Great grandfather's name, actually."

And he's working on a response to that one when the cot lurches and Eugene rolls on top of him, settling his weight just a bit too hard and knocking Jack breathless for a moment. He uncovers his eyes and Eugene mouths a _hello_ at him and cups the side of Jack's face in his palm.

"Took you a bit longer to come around to the idea, then?" he asks, once he's got air enough back to do so.

"I was faster," Eugene says. "You had me when you pulled out that cricket bat of yours. And like I said, I really do like gingers."

"You know, I sort of figured you'd make a move that first night," Jack says, fingers walking slow up the back of Eugene's neck to tangle in the short hairs at his nape. "Why weren't we doing this immediately, again?"

"I meant to, I think," Eugene says. "You just never stopped talking long enough for me to kiss you."

"Oh, that's nice."

"I mean, you'd say something I wanted to hear the end of," Eugene tilts his head down, until their noses are nearly touching and all Jack would have to do is lean up a little and they'd be kissing. "I hadn't had a conversation just for fun in ages, before you came along."

"You just said something romantic, didn't you?" Jack says. "For you, I mean."

"I like listening to you talk," Eugene says, stroking a thumb along the line of Jack's jaw. "Usually. Mostly. Maybe not right this second."

All it takes, in the end, is a little tug on the back of Eugene's neck for their mouths to catch, slow and a little on the messy side and perfect.

Jack, unlike certain Demons and Darkness players he could name, can take a hint.

\---

Janine and Evan aren't in the mess hall the next morning. Sam and Runner 5, on the other hand, are there but almost certainly shouldn't be.

"I told you that bit with the elf maiden was a sign of things to come," Eugene whispers, eyes glued to the table across the hall, where the pair of them are kissing as though they've got much, much more privacy.

"I've created a monster," Jack says, with exactly zero remorse.

"A love demon, you mean?"

"Don't start."

"I notice Voltra of the Vale and Mudder the Short Statured seem to have gone missing," Eugene says, still staring across the room, where the happy couple has broken off kissing so Sam can tell Runner 5 some sort of story that — based solely on hand gestures — seems to involve a lot of explosions and possibly karate. "Do you think they're having their own special moment just now?"

"Actually, they're rewiring the medical supply room," Maxine says, startling them both. She's holding a breakfast tray of her own, and Jack has no idea how she made it through the line and slipped behind them. This sneaking trend is a bit worrying. "Which probably means your work is done."

"If she lets him help with electrical work round the farmhouse, that'll mean we've got a wedding to plan, right?" Jack says, kicking out a chair for her.

"I think I owe you an apology," Maxine says. "Romance through Demons and Darkness might have been... over thinking things a little."

"Turns out, all you need for true love is to have Jack go mental on you for about five minutes," Eugene interrupts.

"Worked on you," Jack mutters, and Eugene gives him a soft shove.

"The group talked after you left, and we want you to keep being our Game Master," Maxine says, ignoring both of them. Jack follows her gaze and, yep, she's staring at Runner 5 and Sam too. They really are disgustingly adorable, somehow. Maybe there's something to this love demon thing.

"You do?"

"We do," and the smile Maxine flashes him is unexpectedly evil. "If Janine and Runner 5 are going to form a pact with this demon of yours, it's up to the rest of us to take them down, isn't it? If only to rescue poor Sam and Evan from their torments."

"Well, now that our happy couples are happy and couple-y, I suppose that bit about going to the Falls of True and Eternal Desire is going to have to be scrapped anyway," Jack says slowly, trying to keep the glee off his face. "And it does seem like a good moment to introduce some vengeance into the plot. How do you feel about forming an alliance of your own? There's a couple of higher planar characters in the bestiary I think you'd get along famously with. Ones with long teeth."

"I'll get the manuals back to you before lunch," Maxine says.

Jack can hardly wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere, right now, I hope Aquayao, Galaticdrift, That-misery-chick, Mitanika, Pollitt and the rest of the Z!R fandom on Tumblr know they are to blame for this. Always and forever to blame.


End file.
